The Hardest Thing is Saying No

“No tree has branches so foolish as to fight among themselves.” 

The first time I heard this Native American proverb I was sitting in an airport listening to a podcast before a flight to New Orleans. At the time, I must admit that I wasn’t paying a lot of attention because I don’t recall it doing anything but going in one ear and out the other. A few hours later, I arrived in New Orleans and was in the car headed to my first meeting, trying to figure out the right way to tell a group of executive stakeholders that a large project they wanted to do wasn’t likely to happen any time soon. As I was about 15 minutes away from the office, staring out at the New Orleans skyline, this proverb popped back into my head. As I arrived, signed in, and hopped in the elevator I kept hearing this proverb over and over again until it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t coming to tell this group of leaders their project wasn’t important, or their needs didn’t matter, I was coming to tell them that if we didn’t focus on other things first, their project wouldn’t have an opportunity to flourish. It wasn’t about shutting down an opportunity, it was about ensuring another one succeeded. 

While I would love to say that I left that meeting to a standing ovation, with everyone sharing in the same lightbulb moment I had while I was in the elevator an hour earlier, nothing could be further from the truth. If there is one certainty I have come to expect over the past 15 years it is that no one likes being told no, regardless of how you spin it. That said, it is almost equally as true that people tend to be fair and reasonable as long as you can honestly explain why something isn’t possible, what that means, how it impacts them, and ultimately how they can help. The last thing I ever want to do after delivering a piece of bad news is leave people with that lingering sense of defeat. Instead, I have found that bringing them onboard to support the initiatives that must take priority at the moment not only enriches those projects, but helps you build a coalition that will ensure the future success of the organization’s strategic goals. 

As a leader, saying no is one of the most challenging things about the job. As Peter Drucker said, “There is no perfect strategic decision. One always has to pay a price. One always has to balance conflicting objectives, conflicting opinions, and conflicting priorities. The best strategic decision is only an approximation.” Very few people cherish conflict, but just as healthy conflict can breed better decisions, so can new partnerships be forged in having those difficult conversations around competing objectives. Just as no tree has branches foolish as to fight among themselves, no organization can succeed when healthy conflict breeds enemies opposed to partners.